tommy dassalo

the horizon

2006-02-15T16:24:00.000+11:00

hello hello hello,

once again it's been too long, but once again not much has been happening.
christmas passed without any major dramas, and new years eve... well i don't really remember, but i think that's rather the point.

drunken youth!

2005 was an ace year, some highlights were:
-doing my first ever comedy festival show.
-first interstate trips to do stand up.
-performing in front of 1500 people in the raw national final, and coming runner up.
-selling out 'i heart racism' in the fringe, and getting a special commendation.

the challenge for 2006 is to up the stakes, and make even cooler things happen, starting with my first ever trip to the adelaide fringe festival in just over a weeks time. i'm performing in two completely different shows, details of which are below:

FABLES, CHUCKLES AND A BOHEMIAN DRAGON

Three of comedy’s emerging talents have hit the road! Hailing from Melbourne and Sydney, the fresh and offbeat comic minds of Justin Lodge, Tommy Dassalo (Raw Comedy Finalists, 2005) and Daniel Moore (contributing writer for ABC TV's 'The Glass House') bring you an hour of comedy and diversity.

7pm, February 28 - March 19, Club 199, 199 North Terrace.

Tickets can be purchased here: clicky!

I HEART RACISM

Cameron Broadbent is so left-wing that even John Butler is passé. So when he moves in with his bigoted, gun toting grandfather, the result is an eye-opening fusion of cartoons, theatre & Supa Fly comedy! Highly commended, sell-out hit of the 2005 Melbourne Fringe Festival! It’s the new black!

10pm, March 6 - 11, Queens Arms Theatre, 88 Wright st. Adelaide.

Tickets can be purchased here: clicky!

i'm gonna do my best to update this thing regularly with updates and photos of debauchery whilst over there.

in other news, i'm on at the local this week (feb 20) and i may or may not be bringing hilarious monster truck dvd footage with me! don't miss it!

a better update real soon, honest!

-tom

one plus one is one

2005-11-21T12:28:00.000+11:00

hello bloglings,

I just noticed I haven't put anything here for a little while. Actually, that's a lie. I noticed quite some time ago, but I haven't had anything worthwhile to put here. Truth is, I've had wicked writers block for the last couple months, which has creeped it's way into everything. and i do mean everything. when you can't even get your head together enough to scribble out a half-arsed blog entry to throw out to the internet so that it can be read by 6 people, then you know you're in trouble.

but I think I'm very nearly getting over it, and starting to be able to function with a pen again.

we're currently delving into the rewriting phase of 'I Heart Racism.' we also had a photoshoot with snaptastic wunderperson Wombat the other day. the photos came out awesomely (as was expected) and our poster looks like it's gonna be shit hot.

below is one of my favorite photos ever, from the Fringe festival afterparty:

in gig news, stuff is slow over the summer. the only things i have booked at the moment are Wednesday December 28 at Cue Bar in Brunswick, and January 9 at the Local, with Judith Lucy and Danny Bhoy. oh yeah - kiss my face!

today I had pasta for lunch.

OH i nearly forgot the most important part of news of the last few months. I was lucky enough to have a chance encounter with one of my idols, and the main influence of my stand up comedy, H.P Baxxter!

yeah! for the three people that don't know, H.P Baxxter is the frontman of German techno outfit 'Scooter.' probably best known for their inspired reworking of Supertramp's "The Logical Song" and seen below misrepresented on Google Image Search:

You might also know them from smash hit (in underground germany) albums such as 'Mind the gap', which contains one studio disc, and one live disc. The somewhat overlooked genius of this album is that the two discs are completely indistinguishable, due to the fact that Scooter tend to dub crowd noises over all their studio tracks, therefore making the live disc quite redundant, as it sounds just like the studio disc, but with shitter production, and a less robotic crowd. awesome!

Anyway, I happened to bump into Sir H. P. Baxxter (enigmatic German techno troubadour and responsible for the purpose giving quote: "All we want is for you to take off your bra and panties, and throw them onto the stage.") down at a market (he asked me not to specify where exactly the market was, as he quite likes it there, and doesn't want to find himself routinely swamped by Scooter's massive and loyal fanbase)

When I first saw him, he was at a fishmonger's stall, questioning "How much is this fish?" a cunning reference to one of Scooter's better known tracks that seemed to be somewhat wasted on the fishmonger, but which immediately alerted me to the fact that i was indeed staring at The Baxx. I nervously approached him, broke the ice with some small talk about the price of fish (he appreciated the reference) and before long we were drinking pineapple juice in a nearby cafe (again, he asked that I not specify which one)

We had a great old chat, Baxxtarino and I. I thrilled him with the tale of the German backpackers I met in a hostel in Sydney who met in an online Scooter forum and got married to what many feel is the most romantic of Scooter songs 'Always Hardcore.'

He said if the band are ever in town, they'll be sure to come check out one of my gigs.

We didn't rule out the possibilty of working together on some comedy/techno fusion projects in the future.

I'm legally bound to point out that some/most of the above may NOT be true. (i didn't really have pasta for lunch, i had a parma and chips)

keep it real, you.

love tommy.

hip hop a lula + saving wood now online

2005-09-26T11:28:00.000+10:00

the second most interesting piece of news i have is that a sandwhich press recently turned up in my house. since i can remember, i have yearned for one of these miracle devices, and now i have one. it's amazing how being placed between two heated pieces of metal can totally change a sandwhich. i now look through the fridge every day, wondering if the ingredients available to me can be toasted. sometimes, i get lucky, and i find sundried tomatoes, salami, chicken, cheese, pesto and turkish bread. other times i'm not so lucky, and the only things available to me are pasta, cereal and various sauces. there are few things as saddening as seeing a perfectly good, new sandwhich press sitting unused on a bench, whilst pasta is being boiled next to it in a pot.

thrilling food anecdotes aside, our initial fringe festival run has all wrapped up, after exploding forth from the modest confines of upstairs at the Lithuanian Club over three nights.

dave with gene, techie wunderkid.

we packed out all three shows, and feedback has all been very nice so far, which is exactly what we dreamt of happening, whilst lying awake fearing that we were crossing a line that no-one should ever cross.

us with adrian: director, and unrivalled in his milo making abilities.

to everyone who came, we sincerely thank you. even if you just came to witness what could have been a somewhat inevitable car wreck, thank you still. maybe you still got the car wreck, maybe you were pleasantly surprised. either way, you gave us brilliant responses, so thank you. if you didn't get to see it, don't worry, you'd better believe this bitch is coming back as soon as we can get it back out there. at the moment, expect adelaide fringe festival and melbourne comedy festival 06, but maybe it'll pop up in a few other places between now and then, and maybe even after. we'll see.

the other big news is that my student film from last year is now online, thanks to dave cleeve (who, if you came to 'i heart racism' was also responsible for all the video stuff we had, although we never properly thanked him in the show, so thanks dave. this crappy mention hardly makes up for it, but we really appreciate all the work you put in)

but anyway...

VIEW 'SAVING WOOD' (right click and 'save as')

i hope you enjoy it.

tomorrow i'm off to sydney. thursday night at the mic in hand has me MCing, the renegades of folk (josh earl & the bedroom philosopher) headlining, as well as wil anderson doing a guest spot. its at the friend in hand in glebe and it's six dollars.

off to pack, thanks for stopping by
tommy.

let's do this, yah?

2005-09-05T18:13:00.000+10:00

fringe is alive and kicking, which means it's time to smack this madness into gear and flick the hype machine into overdrive.

the show is a story about impressionable young hippy, Cameron Broadbent, who in trying to impress a girl from his uni, finds himself thrown into jail. his parents bail him out, on the condition that he goes to live with his crazy, right-wing, gun toting Grandpa, in a small country town, to gain some perspective. Upon arriving, he soon realises that the whole town is just as xenophobic as his Grandpa, and so he sets out to re-educate the townsfolk, and make the town a more tolerant place. will this affect Grandpa's chances of winning the local election for mayor? will Cameron survive in the town, or will his smartly knitted beanie get him beaten up? And will he ever be able to learn the riff from 'zebra' on guitar, or will he have to persue other avenues of girl woo-ing?

it is a mixture of theatre, with some multimedia bits thrown in, a bit of powerpoint presentation, a bit of pseudo stand up, and a healthy dose of WWII-era banned cartoons.

it was written by dave bushell and myself over the last few months, and has both of us as the main characters, plus a few extra townspeople here and there.

it is directed by adrian calear, who has also done stuff with rachel berger and danny mcginlay, as well as last year's 'super happy robot hour' which won the fringe award for best comedy show.

our warm little electronic corner of the fringe website can be found by clicking HERE

that's also the place to buy tickets from. or you can call 'em up on: 8412 8777

just to reiterate: we are doing THREE SHOWS ONLY! - september 23, 24 and 25 at the lithuanian club, 44 errol street north melbourne, at 10pm (sunday the 25th - 9pm)

don't miss out. this shit will be bananas!

tommy day + much delayed photos

2005-08-30T19:32:00.000+10:00

hey rad person. how's your life? mine's fine, but busy. at night i lie awake, too tired to sleep, tying everything in my head together into a big messy bundle, my brain scratches at it like some kind of braincat. sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. i convince myself that maybe if i work hard enough i can link every event, person, and place in my life into one gigantic ball of string, but at the same time, i'm aprehensive towards trying this as such a ball would probably crush me, or at least hurt my braincat, and although he does scratch me every now and then, i quite like having him around.

but in a month or so i won't be as busy, and will probably be able to start getting more sleep, and that makes me happy.

anyway, i finally got the photos from the second day of timetable filming, so here they are!

cast and crew, from left: justin kennedy, dave cleeve, drew thornton, dave bushell, tommy dassalo, andy mcclelland.

andy mcclelland doing his best david brent.

the single most incompetent director to ever touch a camera.

checkin the footage

hanging out at the watercooler, dave's weekends begin to resemble his week.

the man, the myth, the legend: dave cleeve.

there's some stuff we need to reshoot, and as justin k's in sydney for a little bit, it's gonna take a tad longer than i was expecting. as soon as it's done, it'll be online.

speaking of short films - my student film 'saving wood' is a finalist in the ATOM film awards! the film was a documentary about two guys from frankston who carved a wooden penis out of a tree stump in their front yard, which the council promptly made them take down. for the film, i interviewed the guys who made it, and started a petition to get it put back up. its got alot of cool comedians in it, too - tripod, janet mcleod, dave hughes, dave o'neil, and fiona scott norman are all in there. i think my main man Cleeve is gonna try and upload it somewhere, so you can check it out if you so wish. alternately, just ask me for a copy. the awards are on friday october 7 at acmi in fed square. it should be swell, like drinking a slurpee in a park on a 30 degree day with a really pretty girl.

so it was my birthday on thursday and it was weird. first birthday post high school and i don't know if i liked it. i'd gotten so used to the high school birthday that this year it felt somewhat lonely and weird. still, it was a good day, and the weather was nice, and i got nice messages so that made me happy. later on i went to this nightclub in albert park with my mate godenzi, which i used to hate (the club, not the friend) but actually quite enjoyed myself.
the frenzy of birthday drinks bestowed upon me by friends i hadn't seen in a long time left me cold, sick, alone and still in bed come friday afternoon. as i lay there with my crispy chicken fillet burger from the little hours of the morning air guitar-ing around in my stomach, i dreamt of the simpler times, long before the acquisition and consumpion of alcohol was legal, and expected of me.

fringe kicks off on thursday, so i'll hold out on the big 'i heart racism' info post until then, when the program has come out.

i've never been more terrified and excited.

mama wouldn't be proud

2005-08-09T13:29:00.000+10:00

when the e-mail says you'll be spending 16 hours in a Tarago with 5 other comics, there's less and less chance you're going to enjoy this.

thankfully, you were wrong.

this was the trip up to canberra for a-lists green faces competition, but at times it was easy enough to kid ourselves that we were on some kind of tour.

i liked canberra. i don't really think canberra liked me that much though.

still, a great time was had by all. you couldn't get a cooler group of people into a tarago than sammy, tom, dave, sally and alison. and you couldn't wish for better luck than having a guy who used to live in canberra in the group, meaning the fun didn't have to end when the irish club kicked us out into the night, cold but not so alone.

if i ever go back to canberra, i'll be sure to hunt out the phoenix bar, providing i can find it. if not, i'll follow the smell of chicken burgers from across the road.

after having to wake up criminally early and leave the state two days in a row, it was oddly comforting to wake up on saturday and not have any real place to be.

so for now, we're getting way stuck into writing the fringe festival show. so much so that i'm constantly hating myself by forgetting gigs left, right and center. plus i'm starting to get sick, so the ones that i do remember, i can hardly pull myself to.

i am definately going to be at the local on monday though, even if i'm in a wheelchair. i've got too much new shit on the page to let that one slip by.

and because it's starting to creep up, i guess it's time to whack up the poster for the fringe show:

plot details, etc will follow.

right now i've gotta get dressed and eat.

enjoy yourselves.

tommy.

'splendour in the laughs' cominatcha

2005-07-12T09:47:00.000+10:00

g'day,

noosa was great, thanks for asking.

we've planned a benefit gig to raise money for our fringe festival show, on Sunday July 24th, 4pm at Bar Open. it costs a measly 10 bucks. more info on the handy printable flyer above (click to make it bigger)

i have to rush this cos i fly to sydney in a couple hours. i'm doing the sydney comedy store on tuesday and wednesday, and the friend in hand on thursday.

more when i get back.

t

timetable: day four

2005-06-27T14:14:00.000+10:00

well, we've finally wrapped up the filming of 'timetable.'

i still haven't gotten hold of the photos from last weeks office shoot with andy mcclelland, but in the meantime, here's some quick shots from this mornings shoot with sam simmons, playing a mental bus driver.

now all that's left to do is edit this thing.

stay tuned for some more photos.

peace

tommy

'timetable' first day of shooting

2005-06-17T18:24:00.000+10:00

hey pork choplets

we began shooting 'timetable', a short film that i wrote, the other day. here's some shots from the set, courtesy of josh (www.sideswipeproductions.com)

cal wilson.

justin kennedy.

cal and justin.

cal at the bus stop.

justin.

trying to poke justin with the mic.

myself with dave.

pretending to know what i'm doing.

thanks to dave for making all this shit come together.

i'll put up the second day photos as soon as i get em.

have a good week folks

love dassalo.

fringe update

2005-06-04T19:15:00.000+10:00

just got the word that we've been succesful in nabbing a room in the north melbourne town hall for this year's fringe festival. aaaw yeah! more details soon.

the hoax on tour!

2005-05-28T13:32:00.000+10:00

'free dassalo ' reaches the olgas! (not pictured - pile of angry hate mail) courtesy of claire.

more to come...

distracting myself

2005-05-25T23:43:00.000+10:00

during the comedy festival, our frequent door bitch, drew, and myself, made the mistake of deciding to attempt superstar karaoke. we then made the further mistake of getting drunk before we went on. luckily by the time we got on, the hi-fi bar was nearly empty, so hardly anyone was there to hear kim hope burn us for our crapness. anyway, photographic evidence of our performance has finally surfaced:

sure, we both look mildly retarded, but you've gotta admit, it's still pretty fucking rock-star.
like, 'special child' rock star.

i'm storyboarding the short film. it's taking ages but it's getting there. i'll put them up here if i can be bothered trying to get my scanner to work. if not i'll put some of the script. or maybe i'll do nothing. nyer.

it's raining right now, and i'm cold. to combat this, here's a photo of a man on a boat that i took in fiji last year:

think sunny.
x tommy

worship and boring updates

2005-05-20T16:30:00.000+10:00

i'm not gonna get into a habit of doing this, but for the love of God, you all HAVE to hear patton oswalt. i don't really get into comedy cds that much, apart from 'education' wise, but oswalt's cd '222' is hands down some of the best written, brilliantly delivered, and funniest shit i've heard in a long, long time.

his cd '222' is a two and a half hour gig, with NO INTERMISSION. and the quality never drops. that's talent. i haven't seen it available to purchase anywhere in oz, but if you get into that torrent shit, you can download it here: http://w1.isohunt.com/download.php?mode=bt&id=3907855

sweet baby jesus, someone get him down here soon.

in other news, had a gig at the local on monday night, which was an absolute treat. new shit fired in a way i could only fantasize about. i've got a whole mess of gigs coming up, as you can see on the right. melbourne needs more rooms. seriously. i'm also gonna be up in sydney in july, but more on that later on.

short film progress is moving ahead nicely. filmings gonna be kicking off in about 2 - 3 weeks. i'll put up some photos from the set, if i remember to take them. also, can't remember if i mentioned it on here, but cal wilson's recently joined the cast, along with andy mcclelland and justin kennedy. how's that for some talent? if this thing fails, it's 400 percent my fault.

enjoy your weekends.
tommy.

back in the game

2005-05-02T19:21:00.000+10:00

two things on the right -

1. i worked out how to list my upcoming gigs (thanks epod)
2. i couldn't hack much time off, and i'm back into doing gigs again.

it's gonna be all new shit, suckaz

not dead

2005-04-29T14:31:00.000+10:00

hey all.

have begun working on the play for fringe festival. it's starting to take shape and look like it'll be alot of fun.

i'm also about to begin working on my short film. the script is done, and it's mostly cast, i just need to finish storyboarding, finalise my crew and locations, and work out a shooting schedule. Justin Kennedy and Andrew McClelland are going to be in it. my friend Dave who did all the videos for 'beLIEve' is helping with filming and editing. more info soon.

musical comedians are lucky in that they can make cd's of their songs and have them available at gigs. it's easier for their work to reach other people that way. i'm not musical, so i can't record a cd, however i can sorta draw, so i think i'm gonna start making little comics and selling them for like 2 dollars each to remake the photocopying cost after gigs. they would be about a crab who lives under the sea, and comes up to the shore every now and then to do stand up. i think it would be cool. would you buy one? or is it a retarded idea? i might just do it for fun, regardless.

for some reason people on the internet love telling people what music they're listening to.

i just love following trends:

Beck - Guero

Beck - Midnite vultures

SPOD - Taste the radness

Badly Drawn Boy - About a boy

Jurassic 5

RJD2 - Since you've been gone

Bloc Party - Silent alarm

U.S.E

are all floating my boat at the moment. if you like that stuff, or you hate it, post a comment. werd.

check out this site: www.savetoby.com . it makes me yearn for a pet rabbit, and hungry at the same time. i'm tempted to buy one of the shirts. not because i want to help the rabbit, but because they look cool.

i don't know much about this internet-y stuff, so can anyone tell me, is there any way of putting a 'gigs' thing on the side of this page underneath the stuff about me? leave a message in the comments if its possible and you know how.

hell, leave a message anyway. tell your friends to come here. fool them into thinking there's some semi decent shit happening here.

i'm gonna get into booking some gigs soon. it feels right again.

for those who never made it to the show, i think there'll be some video stuff online soon.

kisses,
tom.

all said and done

2005-04-12T14:27:00.000+10:00

the best on stage photo we managed to get:

drew - our semi-regular door bitch, matt - our techie, dave and myself.

and so ends my involvement in my first ever Comedy Festival. i misplaced my camera for the last weekend so i can't carry on my HILARIOUS dinner/show comparisons. and besides i don't think i was eating on any of those nights. had an awesome closing weekend, and a more awesome closing night, 60 through the door, and the best show of the run. thanks to all who came down. to those who didn't, we made profit without you, so eat it.

after a night out on saturday celebrating the close of the show, i had the raw national finals on sunday, which was one of the most enjoyable nights i've had in a long time. hanging out with cool interstate people backstage, then a gig in front of a crowd of 1500 in the town hall, and coming runner up. without doubt, the most fun i've ever had without taking off my pants.

so there's still a week left of the festival in which i have to go mental and see heaps of shit.

after that, i've got nothing booked for awhile and it feels ace. i'm gonna concentrate on doing some writing, and making a short film. then there'll be a trip up to sydney, and a new play for the next round of festivals. but more on that later.

enjoy the end of the festival.
ymmot

comedy festival: weekend of dinners part deux

2005-04-04T14:08:00.000+10:00

this weekend was a bit flat show wise, but all over the shop food wise. here we go again...

show number five: late night bag of chips

i don't even know how to begin comparing this one to the show. my whole goddamn family came along, and i ate chips at about 4am. the end.

show number six: swanston walk chicken stick (with special guest damo clark)

both the show and the meal were familiar territory. for the show - we changed the order. for the meal - we were joined by damo clark. (seriously, these are getting so fucking hard to write)

show number seven: fish and chips at the waterfront

i forgot my camera, so that was the best picture i could find. this involved going straight from the show to crown casino for my mate johnnie's birthday dinner. the meal was small, as was our crowd this night, but both were awesome.

don't forget, we've got a new unadvertised show: TUESDAY APRIL 5th, 6 - 7pm that we're gonna need some help filling if y'all can make it down.

as soon as i find the charger to my camera i'll start putting some decent pictures up.

tommy.

hands up for more

2005-04-03T22:18:00.000+10:00

we've added an extra date to the run of 'beLIEve':

Tuesday April 5
6 - 7pm

at the same venue. it's a last minute decision, meaning it's not listed under ticketmaster or anything like that.

so come on down, it's tuesday, which means it's only 10 bucks. or look out for us on the steps of town hall that night, as we'll be frantically trying to fill the house with comps.

comedy festival: the weird midweek show

2005-03-30T14:18:00.001+10:00

show number four: the kfc twister combo

aaaaah the twister. just what a meal should be. much like tonights show. people are turning up, i'm starting to feel better about my material. the lights were hot as all fuck which threw me a bit, but we had a huge crowd in, and got a really glowing review from a person whom we previously thought hated us. so it's all good.

these last two weekends - we're gonna tear the shit up.

comedy festival: a weekend of dinners

2005-03-28T16:30:00.000+10:00

so i'm doing this comedy festival show, which is pretty much the only interesting thing happening to me right now, which means the temptation is just to talk about that. i have, however, also been eating lots of shit food before and after the show, so i figured i'd combine talking about the two.

show number one: the kfc snacker

aaah, the snacker. small and unfulfilling, much like our first show. our microphone was fucked, which meant we had to do acapella comedy, and there was a weird buzzing over the top of all our video. had a good crowd though, and they seemed to enjoy it, despite everything being broken.

show number two: swanston walk chicken stick

this is more like it. longer, tastier, more satisfying. much like the second show, once we'd sorted out our technical difficulties, we were good to go - this is what the show (and dinner) should have been on the first night.

show number three: swanston walk slice of dollar pizza

an enigma this one. despite coming from the same place as show number two, everything just felt flatter, blander, and not as punchy. not entirely terrible though, and still better than show number one (by the way, im talking about the pizza and the show at the same time. see what i did there? that's pretty clever)

so the first weekend's out of the way. now we've gotta worry about tomorrow, and the two following weekends. them'sll be the hard ones, suckas!

off to see more shows
love tormais.

100 tickets till we break even...

2005-03-18T10:22:00.000+11:00

With less than a week till we open, tickets to 'believe' are now available on ticketmaster: here

More info about the show via the comedy festival website:
here

Hope to see some of you there.

xx t

aaah sunday

2005-03-13T12:22:00.000+11:00

in between having uni every day, getting ready for this festival show and planning a short film, spending a warm sunday sitting around the house doing fuck all is a welcome and rare pleasure.

is it just me or is sheryl crow's 'all i wanna do' having some kind of rebirth/comeback? I hadn't heard that song in like 7 years, and in the last week i've heard it about 15 times.

didn't end up getting to see bob larson on friday - i was on the other side of town eating afghani food. however, he did a follow up service the next day on swanston st. I managed to get along and check that out, and the part i was there for was quite full on (apparently it got more intense after i left) if you get the chance, i recommend checking him out before he leaves the country. very interesting stuff, whether you buy into it or not.

did anyone see craig mclaughlan's stand up on the nsw footy show? that was some intense shit. go to ninemsn.com.au and hunt out the clip.

3 more shows, then local band pornland are hanging up their boots. if you've never seen them - don't miss your chance. they're on tonight and march 27 at the espy, then a huge farewell show at the evelyn on april 24

some friend of dave's wants to do a short film on our comedy festival show. sort of a look into 'new comics doing their first festival show' how we handle the pressure, whether we kill each other, etc. that should be a bit of fun. the end product will either be pretty cool, or dave and me masturbating in front of a camera for 10 minutes. but not at the same time. that would be weird.

It's surprising how dull my days are now that people aren't openly slagging me off. Reading that shit filled a big void in my day that nothing else can. That's all this blog things here for - my ego.

i feel sick and its cos i havent eaten for lots of hours.
bye
xx tommy

sitdownstandupbreakdownstanhope sydney

2005-03-06T10:48:00.000+11:00

When doug stanhope comes to the country, you can't pass up the opportunity to go check him out.

So we didn't.

I thought Sydney was fucked enough when you're with other people. it's even more fucked on your own. And paying 23 freaking dollars to get from the airport to the city by train just ain't right. I reckon I got swindled. I just hope they buy something nice with my cash.

So yes, was fortunate enough to be able to crash at Sarah's on Friday night, after getting my first taste of stanhope-y goodness. Next morning I was back to my lonesome as she had to go off and work, so i fell asleep in the bot gardens listening to badly drawn boy, and when I woke up, I was in the middle of someone's wedding photos.

After dusting myself off and apologising, i went to meet Bushell near the queen vic building. It was fun finding out his plane had been delayed two hours. No really. Although I spose it was worse for him, being stuck in avalon and all. IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE!

So yes, I had to sit there and drink diet coke, flicking religiously through the comedy festival guide, cos I had nothing else to read, while I waited for his freaking plane to arrive. On the plus side, I think I've memorised the descriptions of everyone's show. I'm sure that can come in handy somehow, I'm just not sure yet.

Went to a cafe called the gspot (its not often you can dine WITHIN an innuendo, an opportunity too great to pass up) for a couple drinks before making the trek through Mardi gras to fox studios. Sarah informs us there were some mosh kids at the cafe, but none of them came and said hey, and we've never met em so we didn't know. Oh well, it's not as if that cafe needed to get more heated than it was.

And then stanhope again. Ladies and gentlemen, for my money, one of (if not THE) finest international comics around. Getting to hang out with him afterwards was a blast too.

After he left, we had a couple hours to kill before our flight out, so in honour of the man, we went to a tittie bar. Amen.

Then got the flight home, which sucked majorly.

Still haven't slept, but I can't seem to sleep, so I'm doing this to eat some time.

My head hurts. I might go cook some Gnocchi.

love td

the devil without

2005-03-03T10:19:00.000+11:00

Looks like I might not be going to Bob Larson after all. Since tickets went on sale over a month ago, does anyone wanna take a guess as to how many he's sold?.... TEN! TEN FRIGGING TICKETS! Although I guess that's hardly surprising when there's been dick-all promotion around the town. Come on Bob, don't be afraid to ride the publicity wave of being on Safran.

If you wanna cleanse your soul, tickets can be found here: http://premier.ticketek.com.au/shows/show.aspx?sh=DEVILINS05&searchId=5c50b8b6-1b49-4e7b-a029-928cc3570356

i sucked satan's cock (a.k.a merch)

2005-03-01T23:07:00.000+11:00

I've been getting alot of questions regarding the FREE DASSALO t-shirts (as modelled by Wil Anderson, on the Glass House, above) for those interested, we'll be selling those puppies come Comedy Festival for a measly 5 bucks a pop.

Not cos we think people particularly want to buy shit from us, but because Dave's got 50 of the bastards under his bed, and what the fuck else can we do with them?

shoulda seen this one coming

2005-02-27T01:28:00.000+11:00

huh, there's a lot of me-bashing going on right now.

I wish I could say I'm thick-skinned enough to not let it bother me.

But there is an explanation coming asap, I just haven't had any way of getting it out there in a place where everyone who should read it, does. I'm workin my arse off on it.

In the meantime, I thought it might be fun for people to have yet another forum in which to slag me off in - because I love you. the comments button is your friend.

try playing nice. Arsehole or not, I am a real person you know.

at least I know people are reading this garbage.

-t

Paris made me change my number

2005-02-26T16:22:00.000+11:00

Hello.

Sorry for not writing in awhile. I was faking my kidnapping - that old chestnut. I'm sure you'll hear about it at some point. Maybe I'm cooler for having done it, maybe not. All I know is, Wil anderson wore a t-shirt with my head on it on the glass house. And had to battle the ABC to do it. You can buy one of the t-shirts if you want. I guess theyre an almost-pop-culture icon now. But like, not really.

Sorry, I haven't slept for a couple days.

So yes, in my absence from this - Good Vibrations was awesome. Mylo cained, Scissor sisters cained harder. Really, how can you not love a band that get the Muppets people to design their set at the Brit awards. If you haven't seen it, download it from somewhere, or break into someones house who has foxtel.

I think this Paris Hilton mobile shit is pretty funny. You've gotta feel kinda bad for all the celebrities in her address book who had to change numbers (well, some of them) My personal theory is that none of them will give her the new numbers, and she'll potentially drop off the radar.

Now someone's hacked Fred Durst's phone, and posted his homemade camera phone porn. If you feel bad about your beer gut and tiny penis, check out Durst's in his nudie pictures, relative to the calibre of the woman who he's with. There's hope for us all.

The elephant and wheelbarrow on wednesday night kicked it in a way that most gigs aspire to. If that makes any fucking sense. If it doesn't, what I mean is - it was awesome. way awesome. It was good to be gigging again after a three week stunt, and Bushell's set was hands down the best, tightest 7 I've ever seen him do.

On that topic, seeing as how they're already starting to go up round town - our comedy festival poster:

(click to make it bigger so you can actually read the shit)

Come along why don't you. It's gonna be a real goddamn hoot.

This week it's the X-base in St. Kilda on tuesday, and the Rochester in Fitzroy on thursday. Oh and uni starts too.

I wanna go to Sydney and see Doug Stanhope.

Does anyone read this? I hope so. I'd hate to think i'm wasting my time.

I could be asleep now.

love t-zor.

b grade hall of shame

2005-02-02T22:42:00.000+11:00

If ever there has been a collective group of society deserving of more respect than they are given, then it would surely be carnival folk, followed closely by the B-Grade celebrities. Yes, though it may be easy (and rewarding) to laugh at the Vanilla Ices and Fred Savages of this world, their role in human evolution is often vastly underestimated. These examples of bad career choices, and lack of talent, teach us that all that what glitters is not always gold. Well, it can be for a little bit, but then the glitter gets caught out on the town with a prostitute and its all laxative commercials from then on in.

I’ve had a long standing fascination with celebrity downfall, and the process which leads from A-list to B-list in what seems like overnight. Honestly, after Vanilla Ice snagged a role in the hotly anticipated ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The secret of the Ooze’ did anyone honestly foresee that one day we’d all forget about him? Personally, I thought he was dead until last week when I heard a rumor on a Vanilla Ice website that I happened to find while researching this article, that claims he’s currently launching a comeback the likes of which humanity has never seen. Truly, the B-grade celebrity comeback seems to be the new black. Although skeptical at first of his chances, perhaps if it worked for Peter Andre, it can also work for Vanilla Ice. Having said that, however, ‘Mysterious Girl’ was a work of genius, and therefore deserving of a 21st century rehash, ‘Ice Ice Baby’ on the other hand was pure shite, deserving of it’s current place on the musical play list of every underage binge drinking affair, when the ‘Von Dutch’ wearing sluts are too drunk and coked up to care who they’re pashing, let alone what some pasty loser has to say about the effects of stopping, collaborating, and listening.

But I digress. Everyone knows the more prominent celebrity nobodies of this day, but to type ‘B-grade celebrities’ into Google, is to uncover a cornucopia of undiscovered washed up losers. For example, who remembers the youngest son of Tim Allen from TV’s ‘Home Improvement?’ His name’s Taran Noah Smith, and given that he was only 16 years old when the show ended, all the money he earned was tied up in a trust fund controlled by his parents. Shortly after, the then 17 year old Smith enlisted the help of an attorney to sue his parents, who were denying him access to his earnings. He claimed they were ‘squandering’ it, they claimed he was merely going through a teenage rebellion, a statement perhaps backed up by the fact that a few months previous to the court case, Smith had gotten married to 33 year old Heidi Van Pelt. Now it’s a well known fact that I’m hardly known for my tact and common sense, however, were I trying to convince a court that I was mature enough to handle control of 1.5 million dollars, I think I’d wait until AFTER the court case to piss off my parents by marrying someone double my age.

So what exactly are the contributing factors that lead to a permanent spot in the B-Grade Hall of Shame? Well, money definitely seems to be a big one, especially when fought over. Drugs and woman also seem to big players, however it seems that the unchanging factor is always youthful success. A big star plus a young age equals an extremely fast potential downfall. Just look at ALL the kids from the Brady Bunch. I’d wager good money that Barry Williams (a.k.a Greg Brady) recent appearance on Rove Live was the most media action he’s gotten in years. Can anyone even remember what the hell he was down here promoting? I went to his official website (http://www.barrywilliams.com/) to try and decipher the mystery, however the only thing I found was a rather irritating song called ‘Real Greg Brady’ sung to the tune of Eminem’s ‘Real Slim Shady.’ I swear to God I’m not making that up. Go and see for yourself. And to think, behind the scenes of the show he was pashing on with Marcia. How the mighty have fallen.

What exactly am I getting at, I hear you ask? Although it might seem to the contrary, I’m not mocking these people. I grew up watching them cavort around on the little box in my living room, and truth be told it kind of depresses me to see what’s become of them. Everyone dreams of being famous, but what these people now live through is possibly the most haunting fate anyone can imagine. They have all the hassle of being an instantly recognizable celebrity, and have to put up with being ridiculed at the same time. Easily spotted celebrities like Tom Cruise have such an impressive body of work, that the average Joe in the street is bound to have liked SOMETHING they’ve done. If Vanilla Ice bumps into someone who hated both ‘Secret of the Ooze’ and ‘Cool as Ice’ (which accounts for approximately 98% of the population) then he’s fucked. So spare a thought for the washed up celebrities. Respect and pity them. Don’t humiliate them. Well okay, humiliate them a bit. And if, god forbid, in 10 years time I’ve become a washed up celebrity, hosting a ‘Believe or not’ show, and you see me in the street, please don’t mention this, I’ll most likely be rude to you. Not because I’m a bad person, but because me and my 45 year old wife would just like some privacy.

the devil inside

2005-02-02T13:08:00.000+11:00

Bob Larson, last seen in John Safran Vs. God, is coming to Australia. I'll be seeing him at the Forum on March 11, with a group of hardcore christians. Don't ask.

Interestingly, if you go to ticketek and search 'Bob Larson' it comes up with both his show 'The Devil Inside' and 'Barney the Dinosaur.' Is Larson gonna be exorcising Barney? We can only hope.

Y'all can start taking bets on how many demons I have, if you want.

techno crazy

2005-01-29T14:22:00.000+11:00

I just realised, now that I have my own blog, I finally have a forum in which to show off my photographic genius to the rest of the world.

Behold!: CORPORATE HORSE!!

If only every Saturday night could be this much fun.

everybody loves the sunshine (too bad its raining)

2005-01-29T14:15:00.000+11:00

There's too much good music coming down here: Scissor Sisters and Mylo are on next weekend, and Cake, Gomez, Roy Ayers and George Clinton are gonna be here in March. If someone out there wants to buy me a ticket for the Blues and Roots fest, and fill in for me at Comedy Festival over that weekend, I'll give you a hug.

welcome to my brain

2005-01-29T14:07:00.000+11:00

The guy behind the counter in the Wangaratta KFC looks like he wants to kill himself, and to be totally realistic so do I. Such is the effect of driving home from Sydney in one day.

Anyway, it was a fun trip. Gigs were cool, Sydney people were cool, and Bondi beach is a tasty place to hang on a hot day. That said, I'm glad to be home. The city starts to get a bit weird after a week in it's neon claws.

Owing to the fact that I had better things to do, this is the only photo I came back with:

Bushell, Pete and what appears to be a bukakke

Yes. So now I'm back in Melbourne, and I've gotten myself a blog to fill my unemployed hours.

In the lead up to Comedy Festival it's normal to go gig-booking crazy. This week I'm doin The Local on Monday night, and The X-base on Tuesday.

No-one will bother reading this, it's just here to keep me amused.

Whoever you are, I hope you're well.